While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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