This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
