You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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