Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
