ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
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Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
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I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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