God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
