she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Success! We fucked roommates!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
