HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
