We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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