would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
