I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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