is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
whose ass print is on the piano?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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