You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
