you guys were way drunker than both of me
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
