Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
