Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize