we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Randomize
