I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my sisters under your porch take her home
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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