every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
