Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
