idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
