a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
