My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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