I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Dicks are not precious.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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