I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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