In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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