Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
