Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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