Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
