Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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