if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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