Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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