What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
