I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
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you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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