Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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