____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize