Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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