Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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