The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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