I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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