Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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