I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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