I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
