you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
