Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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