I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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