my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
