there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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