am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
