She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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