i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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