i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
