I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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