he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
