Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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