Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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