I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
We smell like vodka and hangover
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