You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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