47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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