do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
