he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
