How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
