Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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