Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
