I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
