OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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