I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
