i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
