i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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