I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
