Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Its about making memories worth repressing
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
