I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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